Paris Hilton could run the world....

People are morons.

Okay, not all people are idiots- but we're getting there. I;m watching the show The Doctors with Bruce and they are talking about teens and drug use. These teens are STUPID! They are not only doing "regular drugs" like pot, coke, E, etc, but also snorting Vodka and soaking tampons in vodka, then using them...HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU BE?????

God, I mean I smoke pot...that's it. And I didn't even start that until I was in college! I like to sit at home everyonce in a while with my buds, smoke one and watch a movie...that's not killing anyone...but soaking tampons in vodka???? WTF???

I think as a society we have bred stupidity. We allow these children to get away with "teenage behavior" when really they are abusing prescription drugs, cold medicine, doing hard drugs, and snorting vodka! Parents need to take some effing control over their children!!! THe people on this show that I'm watching are all under 18...their parents are basically shrugging their shoulders at them...WTF???? Send them to fucking rehab and boot camp!

Then, to change tangents, they show commercials for lyposuction, breast augmentation, vericose vein removal, and laser hair treatments....great, I'm glad that the medical world has come this far- I'm glad they have all this remarkable technology but all we seem to be using it for is to make people pretty. Think about it, if you have enough money you can make yourself beutiful, no matter what. There are surgeries upon surgeries that are out there now to correct any small imperfectio we have.

Add these stupid drug obsessed children to our ability to "fix" anything with surgery and we will be left with a bunch of beutiful idiots running our world....do you want Paris Hilton to run the world???? I think we may be heading that way.

I'm meeting CARRIE FISHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have no idea how ridiculously excited I am!!!!!! Carrie is coming to the motor city comic con- and i will be there (never been to one before- but I'll brave it for my love of Carrie Fisher.

I'm so geeked! Which is great cause I'm also sickie-poo, and being excited makes me feel better. So yay!!!!!!!!!!!

infomercialmaniacs

It's official they need to create a new twelve step program for people like me- infomercialmaniacs.

I can see it now- "Hello, my name is Debbie and I have a problem...I buy shit off of tv that I have no use for."

Really though I do love my tv purchases that I've made so far...I only wish I wasn't tempted so often. I'm not sure what appeal these products have that the products that I pass in the store are lacking. Maybe it's the obnoxious announcers- like the shamwow guy (yikes!). Maybe it's the craptasmic plots- like the magic bullet commercial (which I adore). Hell, I own a magic bullet blender and I STILL watch the infomercial. Whatever it is- i love my tv products.

Like I said, they work great- hell the magic bullet is a really small, really versitle little blender/ food processer. But the things I wonder about are products like the miniature soddering tool...I want it sooooooooooo bad!!! But what the hell for?!?!?! I don't need to sodder anything! In fact I've never soddered anthing in my life. But i want it!

And the snuggie...just ask Bruce, I LOVE that thing! I haven't bought one yet, but that is all I talked about everytime the commercial came on. It just looks cozy!

Anywho, whatever the reason I love them, and even if they create my twelve step....i'd probably play hookie.

Don't drown in the coke!

Deep down in me i know that there is this skinny, beutiful, intelligent and witty woman waiting to shine from within me...unfortunately I've eaten so much lately that i can't even hear her anymore. She is drowning in a pool of coke and doritos.

I'm trying to throw her a lifesaver though and did ten crunches today, and I'm going to the gym tomorrow...so hang in there skinny girl being swallowed by unhealthy eating habits- I'm coming!!!!

I wish I may....

I wish that everything- just this once- could go the way it is in my head.

In my head everything is working out wonderfully...and in real life, It's not so bad. I have a job again, working for friends of mine as a personal assistant for their company and helping them out with picking up the kids from school, etc. It's nice because I can do work i'm good at (paperwork and kids) and meld it with things I enjoy (like spending time with the friends).

But in my head I have enough money to pay my car insurance, fix my tires and cracked rims so that I don't have to keep fillling my tires with air every 2 or 3 days, and I would have enough to pay off a few of these credit cards that rear their ugly heads every time I turn around. It takes time, but I'm hoping that everything will come together.

In my head I'm not depressed.....but I am depressed. I don't know why- I can't put my finger on it since there is no BIG thing that's bothering me. instead I guess it;s just a combination of a lot of smaller things. I'm stressed and worried about everything.

In my head Bruce and I are together forever, but my personal life has been a struggle lately. I love bruce more than ANYTHING but I wish he was a mind reader, and i'm sure I've put more stress on our relationship by expecting him to be. If I get upset about something he might realize it, but I am so used to shoving those feelings deep down so they don't resurface that I do it almost automatically. I am a pretender. I pretend things are ok, I pretend I'm not upset, I pretend that I'm happy. but i'm not.

I'm hopefull for spring. maybe the spring will be better, I can get outside more and be more active, and then I will feel better.

In other news the economy is still in the shitter- as if you didn't know- and that's a big bummer, especially around michigan. It seems like michigan is slowly dying...and that fuckin blows.

If you get a chance check out the song Shutting Detroit Down by John Rich. It perectly describes what's happening around here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXRibzKERpU

Love is....

Love is cleaning up the kids after they get sick in the bed...and then doing it again an hour later.

We have the kids this weekend. I love them to bits, teeny tiny sweet lil bits. Nothing is better than when they run up to you and put their hand in yours, or snuggle you close, or ask you to lay with them til they fall asleep. That is what I call love.

It's funny though how they can also drive you bonkers in about 2.5 seconds, but we gladly pay the price of being driven crazy for a big hug and kiss on the cheek, or a beutifully colored butterfly.

I'm learning so much every day. And I feel blessed to have these two children and their wonderful father in my life. It sounds sappy, but I'm tickled pink!

A self discovery

I realized today that I love doing the domestic little things. I never thought I would. I always thought that I would be very modern- very career oriented rather than family oriented.

When I was a kid I always wanted to be an actress. I adored the camera, in fact there are many, many home movies of me singing the jingles to t.v. commercials. Oddly enough I was also very shy. Hmm. Anywho, when I was in tenth grade I took a drama and speech class and that only strenghtened my desire to be an actor. Fter high school I came to EMU to get my degree in theatre. My plans after that have all been focused on moving out of Michigan, going to England, New York, and L.A. They never really had any focus on a family, children, etc.

But now, since Bruce and I have been together I guess my plans have shifted. It's not that I am giving up on being an actress or anything- no way! But when I think about the future now Bruce and the girls have a place in it. A family, focus turns more to them than to my career.

Today I went to the store, did dishes, made a homemade batch of brownies and whipped cream to make a parfait. Bought a birthday present, wrapped it, and now I'm off to go to the kids to take them to a birthday party over at Jon and Betty Jane's. It's funny how I really enjoyed all of it when I never saw that as something I could, not only be good at, butreally enjoy doing.

Huh.

Anatomy of a morning

Not sure why but I am feeling the need to break down my day thus far... here goes,

7:15AM woke up for a minute because Bruce's phone was going off- rolled over and went back to sleep.

8:43 AM Woke up again- Bruce was off to work. Rolled back over and couldn't fall asleep. :(

9:30AM Finished checking emails, Carrie Fisher's Blog ( http://carriefisher.com/?cat=1 ) for an update, and my blog to see if I have any comments yet- I don't. :(. Started looking for stuff to do since I was bored.

10:30 AM- Joined Twitter and searched google for "things to do while bored". Found some fun lists, my fav being http://listsgalore.blogspot.com/2008/06/101-things-to-do-when-youre-bored.html

Which in turn led me to my new favorite addiction: Instructables.

Check out their site and make some cool shit!!!

http://www.instructables.com/

That's what I'm off to do!

1:50PM- still on their site. LOVE IT!

Not a poem

I've been thinking a lot about poetry lately. Of course now that i'm thinking about it...all the poems that were chasing my other thoughts away today have jumped right out of my head. Well until just now actually. This one just stopped by long enough to be captured and written down before escape.

NOT A POEM

This is not a poem.
Poems rhyme.
Poems give hope.
Poems explore.
Poems are elusive.
This is not a poem.

Yeah...not very good, but it will do for tonight.

I'm off to the land of nod.

In The Beginning

In the beginning there was a nice little blog.

It sat there quietly waiting for someone to fill it up with hopes, dreams, stories, pictures, fears, ideas and lives. It waited and waited while watching friends flit past and shoot into cyber celeb status. Oh how it envied those other blogs, and hoped for the day that it too would get an author.

Finally, one day a user passed by. She walked past without glancing even once at the blog. The blog gazed at her hopefully- peering into her eyes without breaking it's stare. It wished with all it's might that this one would be it, that she would be the one to give it purpose... to bring it out of the black hole in witch the blog had been for as long as it could remember. Yet she continued to pass by without acknowledgement and didn't give it a second thought ... til later that night.

She couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning- turning and tossing. Thoughts swirled and spun in her head until she thought she would explode into thousands of tiny shards. She needed to purge the words, the images, the energy that was welled up in her brain. She bolted upright and ran naked through the night to reach the blog. She hoped it would not be to late. She hoped she could reach it before someone else did- and feared she wouldn't.

She came into the clearing and rounded the top of the hill just as the sun began to streak light in it's quest to begin rising. The beams of light gave a golden outline to her darkened form. The blog blinked trying to see what she was.

It recognized her. She had come back for it.

They sat together on top of the hill for a long time, watching the sun rise high into the sky over them. And as they sat she told the blog of all her dreams, all her stories, poems, songs, strange thoughts, and of her history. And the blog probed, questioned her, made her question herself and her decisions she grew. She grew into the person she wanted to be, and it grew to help her get there.

Well- there we go kids- my first blog post int he new fab forum. Probably looks like I'm cracked out. lol. Well- I'm not... Yet.

KIDDING!

Isn't it funny how an idea will pop into your head and you just start writing and it completely takes on a life of it's own- conjuring it's own images and it's own path, leading you to places you would have never dreamed of? It sounds totally cliche but writing really is a great adventure.

Oh, and my fair warning for this blog is this: I am EXTREMELY bad at run on sentences. I am a comma happy character that would write a sentence a page long if my remaining punctuation faeries didn't threaten to beat me over the head once it gets 3 or 4 lines long. So there, you've been warned.

Hope this will be as fun as it is in my head, and as entertaining as the voices tell me.

Peace and cookies,

DD